That’s right you perverts. This is what has been turning your “software” into “hardware” on the other end of your keyboard.
I have never understood the chatroom/cybersex craze that captivated the country over the last 20 years. Maybe because I tried it once and got severely burned. Take it from me and my one experience in college trying to hook up a blind date over email that this is NEVER a good idea.
I won’t mention names, and I have a few buddies who will vouch for this epic fail. Long story short, I got chatted up by a seemingly nice gal my freshman year of college. Most kids had left for winter break, I hadn’t. I had one more night in the dorm so why not chum around with a new friend right?
This self-proclaimed “cutie” of a hockey fan ended up showing up right on time…which should have been my first warning. Any girl worth her salt will be at least a half hour late. It’s what you do. To be honest, it’s annoying as shit. But, the outcome is usually worth it. You end up being paraded around on our arm looking dapper as hell. So as guys we bitch and belly ache about your tardiness, but we know that it beats the alternative of you rolling out of the house with bed head and a B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirt or some shit.
Anyway, back to my awesome story. This girl shows up on time, if not 5 minutes early. Her “athletic” frame would make The One Man Gang from WWF fame nervous, AND to top it off she had a face that would make a train take a dirt road. NOT GOOD.
Listen, I know my Mom says I’m a catch, but realistically after her, that list is pretty short. But I’m not kidding when I say this lass had a grill piece that only a mother could love. Not to mention dental work that looked like she could gnaw through a fence post. Was I expecting Kelly Kapowski to walk through the door? Maybe. I mean based on the self description she gave me I thought worst case I’d be watching a movie or going to dinner with a runway model. You know what it’s like to expect Kelly Kapowski and walk into John Goodman?
It’s like drinking shots of Jim Beam. If you know it’s Jim Beam then you expect your toes to curl and your hind legs to straighten out when you do one. But if someone gives you a glass and says “Here, have a swig of chocolate milk” and you get Jimmy Beam it’s a whole nutha bag of wax. You can imagine my surprise when I was thinking Milano and got a Rhino.
So she shows up, I excused myself and sprinted up 4 flights of stairs to a buddies room to beg him to come down, act hammered and desperately need a ride somewhere. Douche move on my part? Without a doubt. But Karma pays me back every time I get together with the select few that were there when I had my go-round with cyber dating.
So buyer beware the next time you’re trolling the dubya dubya dubya looking for companionship because who’s to say you’ll have great friends like I have that will jump on a live grenade for ya.
-CB
(thanks twigmonkey)
Brawn
grizza78
